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UBERtriever

The UBERtriever also saw hope where there was none. I now see the difference between a wish and hope. A wish having no factual base for belief, whereas a hope has some basis in facts. Hope has something concrete to hope on. A wish is just a fantasy. I now see the difference whereas before I didn't... again, that wretched UBERtriever.

In truth, with my ex, I was wishing that there was a deeper person that would be accessible, to herself and to me. But there was nothing in the current or even her past relationships to warrant that belief. It was a wish, a fantasy. The "hope" for something deeper, kept me from being repulsed, but it was not a hope, it was indeed just a fanciful wish.

Oh yes... and green eyes.



Written by a friend of mine.

This is about some of the insights gained by my friend, from the pain of a failed relationship.

Oh yes... and green eyes. My ideal woman.
Well, that of course is on my "it would be nice" list and not my "must have" list.

Yes, in the past someone's inability to open up has not stopped me from pursuing a relationship with them, if I have thought that they might have the ability to develop that openness. That, combined with other attractive traits has kept me from running like the wind.

I remember the first few dates with my ex were a bit perplexing (yeah, and I should have run like the wind). You must remember that I am an optimist/glass half full kind of guy too, along with the golden retriever personality trait.

It was almost painful, getting anything out of my ex beyond her name on the first date.

She didn't volunteer anything, but I had to ask questions to get anything and the conversation stopped if I stopped asking questions (yes... should have run).

It was like coming across a beautifully wrapped package and not being able to open it up to see what was inside. I wanted to know where this package came from. What was beneath the outer attractive wrappings. The things I discovered (or thought I had) about her outside encouraged me to hang in a bit longer to see if I could discover where this package came from and what it was about. My UBER golden retriever had kicked in. I am still a golden retriever, but I have murdered the UBER part. It was a horrible death... lots of blood, guts, wailing and sobbing. Really pathetic I'll tell ya. But I believe the UBER is gone. I can care ABOUT someone, without having to care FOR someone.

I've had the UBERtriever tested a number of times in the past 2 years since my ex's leaving, and it seems to be dead, or is mortally wounded at least.

I had a conversation with a friend a couple of years ago about the "Knight in shining armor" syndrome. The book we were going thru was stating that that syndrome is part of what real men were about. I told him that at least for me, that desire and need to rescue the fair damsel was an unhealthy thing, not a mark of a "real" man. (We were going thru the "Wild at heart Field Manual"). Not something to be nurtured and encouraged, but something to face, resist and grow away from.

Developing the ability to give up on someone relates to the death of UBER. It involves not taking it upon myself to draw someone out, but letting them take responsibility for opening up instead of me being responsible for it. Not letting myself go the UBERtriever rescuing patrol syndrome. (URPS)

I am committed not to URP anymore. I can see the end that becomes of URPing. URP is not a pretty sight. I can do what Dr. Cloud said in his "9 things you simply must do to be successful in love and life" book... run the "movie" forward and see the ending. If I don't like how the movie must end... I think I can walk out at the beginning... or hopefully, just stop at the box office and pick another movie.. or just take a walk alone. I'm good with that too.

Dr. Cloud's presentation on 9 Things

Dr. Cloud's presentation on 9 Things includes 5 DVD's, an introduction and 30 minutes on each of the 9 Things. Recorded live. Download outlines below. Great for a small group study or individual use!

DVD's included:

S674DVD - De ja vu People/Dig It Up
In this first part of our new, five-part series, Dr. Cloud introduces you to “déjà vu people” (he’ll tell you why he calls them that). These are the people you admire, the ones who always seem to find what they are looking for in life. As you listen, it should become clear that the success these people enjoy is fully available to you, too—it isn’t reserved for an elite class of gifted people. In the second part of the presentation, you’ll learn the first of Dr. Cloud’s “Nine Things You Simply Must Do”—the principle of “digging it up.” Digging what up? And why? As you find out, you’ll discover the importance of looking at, listening to, and being mindful of your internal life—the life that stirs you deep inside.
Download Outline:DOC IPDF

S675DVD - Pull the Tooth/ Play the Movie
The second of the Nine Things successful people do is “Pull the tooth.” Once a tooth goes bad, no amount of chewing on the other side will hide the nagging hurt. We must either fill the cavity or pull the tooth. Come and find out how this applies to the way you live, and how it can free up space and energy for exciting, new opportunities. The third of the Nine Things is “Play the movie.” “Look ahead,” Dr. Cloud tells us, “and stay aware of how each scene contributes to the movie’s ending.” It may sound like a simple matter of understanding cause and effect, but there’s more to it than that. What is the question wise people seek to answer as they face each new choice and challenge?
Download Outline:DOC IPDF

S676DVD - Do Something/Act Like An Ant
You may think that if the problem you are facing was caused by someone else, that person should be the one to change and make things better. However, people who do well at life take a different view. They know that even when a problem isn’t their fault, they need not stay stuck—they are able to rise above their circumstances. What’s their secret? Could the fourth of Dr. Cloud’s “Nine Things You Simply Must Do” have anything to do with it? You’ll find out. In the second half, we’ll move to the fifth principle and unearth another secret successful people have in common. What principle could be so universally effective, yet so obscure that we have to go to an ant to find out about it?
Download Outline:DOC IPDF

S677DVD - Hate Well/ Don't Play Fair
Yes, it’s true—there is a way to hate well! In fact, hating well is so important that it is one of Dr. Cloud’s “Nine Things You Simply Must Do.” Successful people allow the right kind of hate to function the way an immune system does, keeping their lives healthy. Both what you hate and how you hate are important—Dr. Cloud will discuss both aspects of hating well. “Don’t Play Fair” is the next of the Nine Things, and just as thought-provoking. When or why would one not want to play fair? Dr. Cloud points out where playing fair falls short, and discusses the far more effective strategy used by people who do well in life.
Download OutlineDOC I PDF

S678DVD - Be Humble/Upset the Right People
If you were asked to list traits that build success in business, marriage, child-rearing, and other arenas of life, it may not even occur to you to put down “humility.” Yet “Be humble” rates right up there as one of Dr. Cloud’s “Nine Things You Simply Must Do.” Real humility produces a frame of mind that we all need if we are to experience long-term, integrated success in all areas of life. And finally, we hope the ninth principle, “Upset the right people,” will get you thinking. How do you evaluate what your critics say about you? What guides you in making decisions—are you free to follow your internal compass, or is your course determined by the opinions of others? This last principle can set you free, free, free at last!—free to do the right thing with confidence. Download Outline: DOC I PDF

Order it here



UBERtriever

The UBERtriever also saw hope where there was none. I now see the difference between a wish and hope. A wish having no factual base for belief, whereas a hope has some basis in facts. Hope has something concrete to hope on. A wish is just a fantasy. I now see the difference whereas before I didn't... again, that wretched UBERtriever.

In truth, with my ex, I was wishing that there was a deeper person that would be accessible, to herself and to me. But there was nothing in the current or even her past relationships to warrant that belief. It was a wish, a fantasy. The "hope" for something deeper, kept me from being repulsed, but it was not a hope, it was indeed just a fanciful wish.